Remembering Her.....

For the past few days, I have been thinking about her. When I do, tears just welled up in my eyes. Even when I am driving , sometimes the thought of her just shows up in my mind. Its been like that off and on since 8th September 2004.

Its been 3+ months since Sarah departed from us. Sometimes just thinking about her, I can see her smile, I remember her walk, her laughter, her eyes. I see her the image of her when she was healthy and also the image of when she was really really ill. Almost unrecognizable and even her daugther said she looked like an alien. That was how bad the disease was eating her up.

Even now writing this, my tears cannot stop flowing. I wonder really, it has been so hard for me to even think about her without crying, I wonder how is it like for my brother and the children? My brother is probably sufferring in silence.

Recently, Anthony heard the song coco mo ( i dont' know whats the exact title of the song), the one that goes, "theres a place call coco mo, and there's where I wanna go....." was playing on the radio and he quickly ran to my mom telling her " That's my mummy's favourite song" and then he said, I miss my mummy. My mom asked him, Do you miss ah ma? He said, I see ah ma everyday how I can miss ah ma. So he understands the meaning of missing. Missing someone who will never be back to hold him , to cuddle him.

I hope my memories of her will always stay fresh in my mind. Even in years to come, i want the memories to remain fresh in my mind..... I dont' want it to fade.

I hate it when people say, Life goes on, move on with life... Yes thats true. But if they never really went thru it how would they know. Yes you move on with life, but it will always be part of you, you think back, you miss the moments. You miss that person who has been part of your family, part of your every life and now no longer be able to share it with you.

Eventhough we are not blood related but still.. there is a tie.
I cannot imagine one day when its time for my parents to depart this world, what state would I be in then.

I miss her. I wish I could bring back the times and let her know that I care..... I think she knows in a way, coz I had visions of her from the time her body was brought back to the house till the day she was burried. On the morning of the funeral, I saw a vision of her waving to me with Jesus standing at the back. I know she is with Jesus.

I miss you , Sarah.
Keep watching us from above. Keep the children safe and Koko safe too...